pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
