just tell him i said nine months
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
