If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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