why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
