Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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