He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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