Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
