At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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