You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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