I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
