Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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