She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
