my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize