Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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