They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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