I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
