Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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