Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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