he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
