brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
