I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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