what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
