life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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