Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize