I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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