Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
