Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize