how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
