We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
