At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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