Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
