Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
