i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
