TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
