why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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