Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
