i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
