Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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