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she looked like the before picture.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
