I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
