It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
