theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize