I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
