So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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