put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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