I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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