ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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