This is not my ceiling
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
