dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
