first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize