I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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