at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
