he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
