is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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