My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
