I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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