My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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