dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
