you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
