i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
