Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
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