he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
