I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
