When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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