if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
