like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
