So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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