What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize