What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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