So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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