Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
