cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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