My first STD was from a foam party
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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