i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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