Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
