now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
