Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
