the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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