Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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