i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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