Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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