you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize