I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
