That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
