i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
