I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
