WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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