I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
