I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
