$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
