"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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