Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
