i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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