fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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