Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
