in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The ass gains better be worth it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
