I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
