i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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