I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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