you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
