Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
