I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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