I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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