I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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