It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
