3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
