So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize