is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
