So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
