I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
