Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
