she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
