"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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