Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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