Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There r osticjed everywhere
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize