At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize