a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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