Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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