a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
