A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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