just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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